My name is Caroline. I am 34 and have been married for 14 years. I have 2 girls. My oldest is 12 whom I will refer to as Mighty Girl and my youngest is 10 and shall, for more reasons than I can count, be named Ice Princess. We started out with our little family just as most Americans do. Not questioning the mainstream belief that our children should be forced into learning, acting, and behaving as they were told. That this forceful parenting is what must be best for them. When they were upset as toddlers they were placed in time out. When they said "unkind" words they were made to say that they were sorry. It was my belief that I was to bend their will as little children because I knew best. After all I treasured my children dearly. So, as they reached the age of 5 everyone told me that it was time to start school. Now, don't get me wrong, I had kicked around the idea of home schooling. But, I thought that it needed to look like the way traditional school was run. And, I knew that I didn't want to do that. Needless to say instead of exploring why it was that I didn't want to do that, instead I found myself at the uniform shop. Buying those adorable checkered jumpers and leather mary janes. I guess that it wasn't until my life had been turned upside down that I finally asked myself the question. Maybe you are saying, "What question?" Well, I guess the most important of all of the questions, the one that kept jumping out at me was, "Are my kids happy?" I mean isn't that the most important lesson or value that we can give to our children. And as I looked at my girls working so hard on some mindless lessons that were drilled into them in school, only to be forgotten as soon as they had been tested. I saw that not only weren't they happy I didn't even believe that they knew what true happiness was. They were always told what to do and think and say. They didn't even know how to decide what they liked to do or not. And so my search began. But, I suppose I should mention what made me look at they way I was parenting. It was all due to an angle.
I remember the first time I saw him. It was 9 years ago and the girls and I had just taken my mom for some blood tests and had stopped at the local fast food restaurant for a bite. Mighty Girl was only 4 at the time and she grabbed her baby sister's hand to take her to the top of the slide. Ice Princess was too short to climb the steps so her big sister helped her to the top. On the way up they were joined by a little boy. I could hear the laughter tickling the air as they tackled the slide. And then squeals of delight as the three of them flew down. At the bottom they landed arm in arm. My girls were holding this little boy and all three of them acting as if they had known each other forever. His bright blue eyes met mine and he gave me a wide grin. It goes without saying that our families became fast friends. The girls would have play dates with this angle at least 2 or three 3 times a week. And I called his mommy my best friend. Every weekend was spent together and and all holidays too. I felt like his mommy was my sister and his daddy my brother in law. Then, one week after this angle turned 4 he was diagnosed with leukemia. This was devastating. But, after a lot of crying and praying and crying some more the heaviness started to lift. It seemed that the treatment was working. So at the ripe old age of 5 he began school with Ice Princess.
Then when he was 6, Mighty Girl came home one gusty October day and told me that she and Ice Princess had to carry their angle in from recess because his legs were hurting too badly to walk. I looked into her eyes any stroked her thick dark hair, and at that moment knew how lucky I was to have two small, healthy blessings in my life. Yes, he had relapsed. So it was back on the heavy chemotherapy and saying goodbye again to those lovely sandy blond locks. This time my husband and this angle's daddy all shaved their heads together. It became apparent that the battle to stay in this physical place that we are in became too hard. So, after many "conversations" with God this tiny angle decided to go. After all, he had asked his mommy to buy him a phone so he could carry on these conversations. Shortly after his 7th birthday he passed away. I then realized that long life was not guaranteed. That the pursuit of love, joy, and happiness is paramount. I could no longer hold this little angle in my arms and he could no longer melt me with his heavenly blue eyes. I would not see him grow to be a man. This is what I think that I was supposed to learn from the little angle, to be the best parent that I could . To treat my kids with love and respect. To treat them as if it were the last day I could spend with them. I will forever miss him but what a great lesson to be learned. And so we started our journey. Not being told what we "should" be learning. But looking at what life can "teach" us as my children are growning up without schooling.
I remember the first time I saw him. It was 9 years ago and the girls and I had just taken my mom for some blood tests and had stopped at the local fast food restaurant for a bite. Mighty Girl was only 4 at the time and she grabbed her baby sister's hand to take her to the top of the slide. Ice Princess was too short to climb the steps so her big sister helped her to the top. On the way up they were joined by a little boy. I could hear the laughter tickling the air as they tackled the slide. And then squeals of delight as the three of them flew down. At the bottom they landed arm in arm. My girls were holding this little boy and all three of them acting as if they had known each other forever. His bright blue eyes met mine and he gave me a wide grin. It goes without saying that our families became fast friends. The girls would have play dates with this angle at least 2 or three 3 times a week. And I called his mommy my best friend. Every weekend was spent together and and all holidays too. I felt like his mommy was my sister and his daddy my brother in law. Then, one week after this angle turned 4 he was diagnosed with leukemia. This was devastating. But, after a lot of crying and praying and crying some more the heaviness started to lift. It seemed that the treatment was working. So at the ripe old age of 5 he began school with Ice Princess.
Then when he was 6, Mighty Girl came home one gusty October day and told me that she and Ice Princess had to carry their angle in from recess because his legs were hurting too badly to walk. I looked into her eyes any stroked her thick dark hair, and at that moment knew how lucky I was to have two small, healthy blessings in my life. Yes, he had relapsed. So it was back on the heavy chemotherapy and saying goodbye again to those lovely sandy blond locks. This time my husband and this angle's daddy all shaved their heads together. It became apparent that the battle to stay in this physical place that we are in became too hard. So, after many "conversations" with God this tiny angle decided to go. After all, he had asked his mommy to buy him a phone so he could carry on these conversations. Shortly after his 7th birthday he passed away. I then realized that long life was not guaranteed. That the pursuit of love, joy, and happiness is paramount. I could no longer hold this little angle in my arms and he could no longer melt me with his heavenly blue eyes. I would not see him grow to be a man. This is what I think that I was supposed to learn from the little angle, to be the best parent that I could . To treat my kids with love and respect. To treat them as if it were the last day I could spend with them. I will forever miss him but what a great lesson to be learned. And so we started our journey. Not being told what we "should" be learning. But looking at what life can "teach" us as my children are growning up without schooling.
1 comment:
I already heard the story and still I laughed and cried. I want you to know how blessed I am to have you in my life. I feel so loved being with you I miss you when you are gone.
Love your soul sister,
Peaceful Goddess
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